Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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