Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I love you. Go after that dick
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
