omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
