The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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