its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
