he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
