don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
