If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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