Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
