Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
