Me too!
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize