Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I could fuck to npr.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
