Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
