I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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