Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
