if i can run in heels then i can drive
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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