that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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