He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
