can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
