I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
