And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
