I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
only you would photoshop your dick
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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