Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
