So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
