her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
