you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Every concussion has its silver lining
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
