I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
