At least make sure they are 18
Why
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
