I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
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