You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
