google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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