I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
