I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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