it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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