omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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