i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize