if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So squirting runs in the family.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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