3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
