why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
