Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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