the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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