new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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