so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
