just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
