after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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