im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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