real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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