You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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