2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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