U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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