I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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