Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
