in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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