Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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