I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
