I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
