Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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