Can i not drive my cunt home
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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