dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
