A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
