I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
