Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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