I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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