she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
