If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
