Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
