He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
