I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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