i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
