they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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