Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dignity is for republicans.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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