dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
