I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
