drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
