If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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