Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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