How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
