also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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