I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
me + whiskey = a bad person
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
