she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
