Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
