Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
