Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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