The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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