Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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