Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
