I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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