he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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