I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
