someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize