Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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