I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
