Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
