drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
