I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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