she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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