keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
