so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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