so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
