just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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